The Man in the Kremlin: Andrei Volodin

My grandfather, Mikhail, was a cunning fellow. He worked for the FSB — Putin’s agency… before of course the Americans killed him. And don’t try to correct me and tell me it was those Islamist terrorists. Please, do you really trust what the Americans say?


I can tell you their propaganda is bullshit, because my grandfather found out through a friend in Trump’s CIA who admitted they did it. He said it had something to do with hacking this program or device called Twitter… I don’t know much about these sort of things, but I understand that it was a stupid reason to kill the President of Russia. Then again stupid is the American way and Trump mastered that more than anyone else. So you see? My grandfather was cunning. He found out what nobody else could from the people who did it.


He also knew where all of Russia’s nuclear stockpiles were. After the old Kremlin fell he collected every single warhead, and sold them on the black market. He might have been responsible for Istanbul, Tehran, Karachi, Cairo, and Jerusalem, but he was not a total idiot. No nuclear weapons were ever used against Russia, and he kept a few for himself. 


After selling those warheads, literally thousands, my grandfather amassed money you can’t even count. He could do anything in the world, anything. So he decided that he was going to build a new Kremlin for himself. Why not? If you can do it, you become the most powerful man in Russia. So he bought the land, ordered its reconstruction, and boom! The new Kremlin was finished.


He thought that was it so he started living like a tsar, but he ran into two problems. First problem: that construction costed him more rubles than the annexation of Crimea. Second problem: he now had a wife – my grandmother, and they had my father. As you can imagine they were additional expenses. Meanwhile, he was trying to singlehandedly rebuild Moscow without a salary.


When my grandfather realized he needed a stable income, he returned to the business that gave him success in the first place – selling weapons. A few years later Kremlin Corp. became the most lucrative business in Russia and the arms industry, and has remained so ever since. After my grandfather passed away, my father continued his work until he was murdered.


Now I’m the man in the Kremlin. While I don’t have an empire, I have a network of clientele and the perks of supplying most of the world’s weapons. I will find out who killed my father, and I will make sure they regret the day they were born.



Andrei Volodin will return as one of the four perspectives in the Coyote File. Stay tuned for more.


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